The Day I Didn’t Yield

In General

Fast response is a key skill we all need in our life. But it’s just that – a skill. A skill that can be practiced and perfected.

One of the examples I use to explain the benefits of PREXcoaching® in terms of fast response is the classic “not being able to find the right word at the right moment” scenario.

You know, when you have an argument with someone, and then spend the next week thinking of appropriate comebacks you should have said and beating yourself up for not doing it.

I use this example because I’ve noticed my own little victories in these situations, such as better word choice, shorter response time, and fewer “regrets” later.

People usually ask me, “How long before this starts to happen?” I wish I could give them a definite answer – five sessions, ten, a year. But it’s individual. And gradual. And then one day, it just – happens, leaving you with that quiet little “a-ha.”

In Particular

This brings me to the little incident that happened earlier today.

I live in a quite strange building, and (most) people in it are, let’s say, rather strange. But when you live in Croatia, things are even stranger by default and tend to reach a boiling point sooner than a pressure cooker.

We have a neighbor that tends to disagree with everyone and disprove anyone’s decisions just to counter them and bask in his five minutes of glory.

The neighbor and I usually say hello, and maybe politely exchange a few words, if necessary. We had some minor disagreements, but never any serious fallouts.

Until today.

Today, he stopped me in the middle of the street to ask if I signed the decision to take out a (joint) loan to do several major repairs in the building.

Basic info to put you in the picture: the building is about 50 years old, slowly falling apart (OK, perhaps not really falling apart, but still… it’s old), and in debt that’s been gradually decreasing over the last few years. The repairs are needed due to multiple leaks, roof damage, and elevator issues – just to name a few.

I confirmed, and he started throwing tantrums, “Why did you do that?!”

I told him “I think it’s absurd to live in the same building and watch people live surrounded by fungi and mold because the walls are leaking at multiple places. And more importantly, we all share the same walls,” to which he retorted, “but yeah, I also have leaks, and I take care of them on my own.”

We went on for a few minutes about who has what kind of issues – hint: I have a few of them too – and as soon as I realized that the entire conversation was leading nowhere and that he just wanted to argue – as he has clearly had a few drinks earlier today – I decided to leave the conversation, and him, so I politely said, “that’s fine,” and stepped up my pace.

After which he yelled after me, “You’re just like everyone else – a total disaster.”

Well, I couldn’t really argue with that, so I turned my head and said half-jokingly, “You’re not wrong there,” counting on my sense of humor to diffuse the tension, and then walked away.

But at that point, I was passing next to the kiosk where our building rep works, so I waved to her and casually commented, “In case you didn’t know, I’m a disaster,” winking and turning the corner to enter a small street and avoid further confrontation.

A normal person would have probably stopped there.

But my neighbor came after me, stopped in the middle of the entrance of the street, and started yelling after me while I was going away, all the way down the street.

I will not go into details, because I believe he’s already got more attention than he deserves, but at one point, I just took a deep breath in, turned around, and calmy returned up the street to face him. Stone-cold, I raised my little (index) finger (to avoid any confusion) right in front of his towering body, and spoke up.

“Do not raise your voice at me. Do not yell after me, especially not in public. Do not even address me if you’re not gonna talk with respect.”

“How dare you, I didn’t yell after you –“

All the guests in the nearby bar had their heads out over the glass fence like doggos taking a joyride, just to demonstrate the “not yelling” part.

“–I’m talking now, and I’m not finished. If you ever, ever – ever – do this again, address me inappropriately, or just look at me the wrong way, I’m going straight to the police (that’s just conveniently across the street, btw), and I’m gonna report you for harassment.”

He looked at me, all in shock, and just staggered away, quietly.

The heads slowly returned to their respective seats, and I hurried home, visibly upset.

In Conclusion

This is not the first time something like this happened. In fact, he does that all the time to the building rep and some other neighbors as well. But it’s the first time that it happened to me.

The building rep has nerves of steel, for which I applaud her, and eventually just snaps back at him, but most other neighbors don’t want to get involved because he is an older gentleman who clearly has issues with alcohol.

The wiser one always yields, and you have to pick your battles, right?

But here’s the thing.

We all have our problems. Life hasn’t been that kind to anyone so as to pardon them from hardships. But guess what? Not everyone’s an a****** because of that.

He is older – yes, and that’s exactly why he should know better.

And he is certainly not a gentleman because no gentleman would ever yell after anyone, behind their back, especially a woman that’s almost half his age. And size, for that matter.

I didn’t spend an entire year virtually paralyzed, only to get back on my feet and yield. So, I didn’t yield this time – because I am wiser than that. Yielding might be wise, but silence isn’t always golden. And yes, I picked this battle, and I’d pick any battle that undermines my integrity, every single time.

After I finally calmed down, I started thinking about everything that had happened, repeating the same scene over and over again in my head.

And you know what? Every single time, it plays out exactly the same. Verbatim.

This is the first time in my whole life that I did the exact thing I should and used the exact words I should. Without batting an eye.

Practice what you preach?

I am.

No CTA today. I’m just gonna savor this little personal victory in silence.

Happy weekend! 🎊