The Nogo Mountain & the Big, Beautiful Rocks

The following is a transcript of a live, improvised storytelling exercise. Since I completely invented the story on the fly, this text has been edited for readability (removing all the ‘ums,’ ‘ahs,’ and brain-buffering pauses, along with minor grammar and style interventions). However, the plot, characters, and the story itself remain completely original and exactly as they were recorded.

Do you like stories?

I like stories.

I have a story to tell.

Pure fiction. Entertainment only.

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Anyway, this story dates back to simpler times, when people still lived in tribes and primitive settlements. But for the purposes of this story, we’re going to call this “a small village.”

And in one such village, there lived an everyday, regular, normal guy.

One day, this everyday, regular, normal guy decided to go for a walk. And while he was casually strolling in the forest, he got caught up in his thoughts and reached the end of the forest where he found himself at the foot of a little hill, where he saw a quarry.

Of course, he did not know what a quarry was. But that is completely irrelevant for this story.

What he did see, however, was a big, beautiful rock.

And he thought to himself, “My, my… what a big, beautiful rock this is. I’m going to take this big, beautiful rock with me back to the village, to my cottage, and admire its size and appearance every single day for the rest of my life.”

So, he took the big, beautiful rock with him back to the village. However, the big, beautiful rock was not only big and beautiful, but also heavy, so when he found himself at the village square, he decided to take a little break and catch his breath.

While he was resting, the other villagers gathered around to inspect the novelty. “Hey, what do you have here?”

“Oh, just this big, beautiful rock,” replied the villager.

The interest rose as they continued with their inquisition. “So, what are you going to do with this big, beautiful rock?”

And the villager concluded with confidence, “Well, I’m going to take this big, beautiful rock back to my cottage, and I’m going to admire its size and appearance every single day for the rest of my life.”

Now, for some reason, it did not occur to any of the villagers to ask where the big, beautiful rock came from. However, curiosity got the best of one of them, so he blurted out, out of the blue, “Hey, if I gave you an apple, would you let me admire the size and appearance of this big, beautiful rock with you?”

And the villager with the big, beautiful rock thought to himself, “Well, that’s an odd request.” But nevertheless, he responded, “Sure, why not?” and agreed to the proposal.

Not much time passed before another villager pitched in. “Hey, I don’t have apples, but I do have a handful of berries. Now, if I gave you my handful of berries, would you let me admire your big, beautiful rock with you?”

And the villager conceded, “Okay.”

Then the third villager said, “Oh, well, I don’t have apples, and I don’t have berries because I’m a hunter, and I can only give you a piece of meat. So next time, when I hunt down something, if I gave you some meat, would you let me admire that big, beautiful rock of yours with you?”

And the villager raised his right eyebrow completely oblivious to what would ensue, raised his right eyebrow and said, “Sure.”

Without giving it any further thought, he took the big, beautiful rock back to his cottage, and soon, other villagers started showering him with small gifts in exchange for being allowed to admire the big, beautiful rock.

The days went by, and the villager with the big, beautiful rock soon stopped participating in the doings of the village, because it became too difficult for him to juggle all the visits of those who came to admire the big, beautiful rock, bringing gifts along with them.

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Though busy, life was great, but his next-door neighbor soon became green with envy. “Look at him, stupid next-door neighbor with his big, beautiful, stupid rock. He doesn’t even do anything. He’s just savoring the gifts everyone’s bringing… and he didn’t even make the big, beautiful rock himself!”

One afternoon, the neighbor was so consumed with his envy that he decided to take a stroll in the forest to cool down. As he was pacing, he got caught up in his racing thoughts, and he reached the end of the forest, so he found himself at the foot of the little hill where he saw a quarry.

Of course, he did not even know what a quarry was, but that’s completely irrelevant for this story.

However, what he did see was another big, beautiful rock.

He immediately saw the potential, but he also thought to himself, “Hmm, I could take this big, beautiful rock back to the village with me, and then other villagers could give me all the gifts they’re giving to my neighbor right now. However, why would they give their gifts to me and my big, beautiful rock when they already have a big, beautiful rock in the village, which was there first? This one would just be a pale copy. I mean, this one would have to be magical to…”

And having said that, it dawned on him, “Oh, I see it now. Ohhh.”

So he returned to the village before anyone noticed that he was missing, and he waited until everyone in the village fell asleep. Then, he snuck out of his cottage, returned to the forest, reached the end and found himself at the foot of the little hill where the quarry was – about which, of course, he knew nothing – and took the big, beautiful rock with him back to the village.

When he arrived at his cottage, he waited for the early morning to come, just before everyone was awake, to start screaming and shouting, “Magic, magic, pure magic!”

In the blink of an eye, all the villagers gathered around to see what all this ruckus was about. “Brethren,” he said, “I went to sleep last night like every other night, I woke up in the morning, and there was this big, beautiful rock, just sitting here, in the middle of my room. It’s magic, pure magic. The rock is magical, I tell you!”

And just as he uttered the word “magical,” all the villagers thought to themselves, “Well, it must be so…” As none of the villagers thought to question the appearance of a big, beautiful rock, because – why wouldn’t a big, beautiful, and magical rock suddenly appear in one’s home?

Within a few seconds, you could hear the first villager ask, “Hey, do you mind if I give you an apple, and then come by sometimes to admire your big, beautiful, and magical rock?”

The villager seemed to be in stern contemplation of the offer, but he eventually concluded, “You know what? This is a big, beautiful, and magical rock. I am not really sure that we should look at it very often. I mean, what if the magic wears off?”

The rest of the villagers nodded in agreement but nevertheless decided to offer two apples instead of one, and two handfuls of berries, and two pieces of meat, just for a few seconds of being allowed to admire the big, beautiful, and magical rock.

The villager then conceded that the villagers made complete sense and were driving a hard bargain, so he eventually yielded to their coaxing.

The time flew by, and soon, the villager, too, stopped participating in the doings of the village, because he, too, was too busy juggling visits from all those who came to admire the big, beautiful, and magical rock.

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Not long after, a group of hunters were hunting in the forest when they got caught in a huge storm. The storm was so violent and severe that the group got scattered, and one of the hunters, in search of shelter, found himself reaching the end of the forest and standing at the foot of the little hill, where the quarry was.

Of course, he did not know what the quarry was, but that’s completely irrelevant for this story.

As soon as he spotted the first big, beautiful rock, he immediately understood the potential. However, he thought to himself, “Hmm… there’s this first rock in the village that’s big and beautiful, and then there’s this second rock, which is big, beautiful, and magical. I mean… to compete with that, the third big and beautiful rock would have to be… a pure miracle!”

Having said that, his eyes sparkled with delight, so he smirked smugly. He decided to weather the storm in the quarry – of which he knew nothing, of course – and return to the village with a big, beautiful rock of his own.

Once the storm settled, he took the big, beautiful rock and headed back to the village. However, since he was very tired, and the big, beautiful rock was very heavy, he laid it down on the ground and curled up underneath it to find some well-deserved rest. Or at least, that’s what he thought.

In the meantime, while he was sleeping, all the huntsmen returned to the village, except one. And having seen that the last huntsman was nowhere to be found, the villagers rounded up a search party for the missing kinsman.

Not long had passed before they found him in the middle of the forest – curled up under yet another big and beautiful rock?! Hearing the gasps of awe, the villager immediately came round and realized he had to act quickly.

He looked at them with eyes wide open, and solemnly declared, “Brethren, it’s a miracle! Miracle, I tell you! I was wandering across the forest, in search of shelter, when the lightning struck. I thought that was it for me, but then the lightning turned into a light, and the light said, “Worry not, Chosen One, for you shall be saved.”

Next, the light disappeared and left behind this big, beautiful rock, so I curled under it and weathered the storm. It’s a miracle, I tell you, my brethren – this is a big, beautiful, and miraculous rock.”

The rest of the villagers clearly did not find any reason to question his story, because why wouldn’t one find a light that turns into a big beautiful miraculous rock that shields one from the storm? So, they helped the huntsman get the big, beautiful, and miraculous rock back to the village and into his cottage.

Soon, this villager, too, stopped participating in the doings of the village, because he, too, became too busy juggling visitors who came to admire the big, beautiful, and miraculous rock, bringing appropriate gifts.

And the village continued to live peacefully with the big, beautiful, magical and miraculous rocks.

*      *      *

However, luck would have it that there was a young fella in the village who simply wasn’t buying this whole story with all these big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks. He was certain there was something fishy going on, so he decided to get to the bottom of it.

One day, he ventured into the forest to look around and maybe find some clues about the origins of the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks. But he, too, got so caught up in his own thoughts that he found himself reaching the end of the forest and standing at the foot of the little hill, where the quarry was.

Of course, he, too, did not know what a quarry was, but again, that is completely irrelevant for this story.

He squinted his eyes, frowned, and exclaimed, “A-ha! So – this is where the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks came from!”

Now, a soul that was less innocent and pure than his would see the potential in the situation he found himself in, but not the young fella. No, the young fella decided to return to the village, expose all the lies, and bring the truth to light before other villagers.

As soon as he found himself in the middle of the village square, he started yelling, “Brothers, friends, villagers! Lies, deceits – you have all been fooled!”

As the villagers gathered round, he immediately started relaying the story of the quarry.

Of course, he did not know what a quarry was, but he described it as “a place at the end of the forest and at the foot of the little hill that was full of big and beautiful rocks.”

He told the villagers that they had all been deceived, because there were so many big and beautiful rocks that every single person in the village could go there and return with as many as five or six big, beautiful rocks and adorn their own cottage with them.

Now, the three villagers with the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks didn’t even have to look at each other to know that the young fella was, in fact, telling the truth. But they also didn’t have to look at each other to know that the young fella should not have his way if they wanted to continue with their way.

So the villager with the big, beautiful, and miraculous rock said, “Brethren, I can assure you that my big, beautiful, and miraculous rock came from the light that saved me from the storm.”

And then the villager with the big, beautiful, and magical rock continued, “Brethren, kinsmen! I hereby swear that my big, beautiful, and magical rock simply appeared by magic in my room.”

Finally, the villager with the first big and beautiful rock asserted, “Now, now, young fella… You clearly must be confused as there is no such thing as a place full of big, beautiful rocks. This is all just one big misunderstanding.

How about this? How about you take us all to the place where the big, beautiful rocks are, and we can see for ourselves what you are talking about?

I know, I know… there are three of us, and only one of you, and since we outweigh you in numbers, and since we, for the obvious reasons, cannot take the entire village with us, how about we take two more villagers, so there would be three of you – without rocks, and three of us – with big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks?

And then the six of us can go, like you said, to the end of the forest and at the foot of the little hill where all the big, beautiful rocks are, and then you can all see for yourselves that this must have been merely a dream, and that there is no such thing as a place full of big, beautiful rocks.”

The offer seemed fair, so the young fella agreed. And the three men with big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks chose two distinguished gentlemen from the village who frequently admired the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks and were generous in their offerings, to accompany them in the quest to find the place full of big, beautiful rocks.

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The expedition of six villagers soon set off into the forest, and when they reached the end and found themselves at the foot of the little hill, the two distinguished gentlemen unanimously gasped at the sight of the quarry.

Clearly, they had no such knowledge of what a quarry was, but they could see that it was full of big, beautiful rocks.

“A-ha!” shrieked the young fella victoriously. “Like I said – lies! All lies! There is a place full of big, beautiful rocks, and there are enough big, beautiful rocks for all of us.”

The three men with big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks cleared their throat and sternly stated, “Gentlemen, we confidently believe that you can all see the potential in this little sordid affair we found ourselves in. And we also confidently believe that we can all find a way out that would benefit us all.”

But the young fella, whose heart was innocent and pure, looked them straight in the eye. “Never. We shall never be bribed.”

Unfortunately, the hearts of the two distinguished gentlemen from the village were not as pure and as innocent as the young fella’s. They both felt smitten by the size and appearance of the big, beautiful rocks and embarrassed by how easily they were tricked into believing that there was such a thing as big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks. And also, the two distinguished gentlemen could, in fact, see the potential in the situation.

Therefore, the five gentlemen bludgeoned the young fella to death, until there was nothing left of him. They then formed an alliance to decide how to proceed with their sordid little affair.

*      *      *

It wasn’t long before they returned to the village, panting and yelling, “It’s a trap! Run! Save yourselves! The young fella has tricked us!”

And as soon as the villagers gathered around to see what all that ruckus was all about, they proceeded to relay to the villagers that there was no such thing as a place with big, beautiful rocks, but there was a big, bad bear at the end of the forest and at the foot of the huge mountain behind it. And the young fella wanted to trick them. He would lure them to the big, bad bear, and once the big, bad bear killed them, he would return to the village and steal their big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks.

Luckily, his plan failed, and the big, bad bear got the young fella instead. They managed to escape and return safe and sound to the village. But the danger is not over, and they must act fast, because the big, bad bear is still out there, and he knows where the village is.

And then one of the distinguished gentlemen who took part in the expedition to find the place with big, beautiful rocks magnanimously volunteered to set up the perimeter that would shield the village from the big mountain and protect the villagers from the big, bad bear.

But this was no ordinary task, and especially not for one person, so he would take a selection of the finest men from the village who should be honored to serve such a sacred duty of protecting the village from the big, bad bear.

Unfortunately, the said gentleman could not participate any further in the doings of the village, because protecting the village is a 24/7 job. However, he is willing to take that sacrifice as somebody has to.

Having recognized the courage of the distinguished gentleman, the men with the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks generously agreed to share a part of the gifts they received from the villagers’ visits to the rocks as long as it would be deemed necessary.

And this is how a new class of villagers was born, and they called themselves “the Guards.” Their sole purpose was to cordon off the big mountain, which they named Nogo, and protect the village from the big, bad bear.

Nevertheless, they were still fully aware that the danger was not over just by protecting the village. If the young fella wanted to steal the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks, it’s only a matter of time before others might want to steal them too, so the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks have to be protected at any cost.

And so, the other distinguished gentleman, who also participated in the expedition to find the place with big, beautiful rocks generously offered to build a place in the middle of the village, take the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks and safeguard them with his own life.

Clearly, the protection of the big, beautiful, magical and miraculous rocks was not an easy job either, and it’s also a sacrifice that requires a 24/7 watch, so unfortunately, he too would not be able to participate in the doings of the village.

Nevertheless, this was a noble job, and somebody had to do it. Obviously, one man was not enough for this, so he, too, would take a selection of the most devout men in the village, and they would safeguard the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks with their lives.

The three men with the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks immediately recognized their commitment and vowed to share yet another part of the offerings the villagers would bring to the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks.

And ever since then, this new order of men has been known as “the Guardians.”

*      *      *

Many years have passed since the day of the fateful expedition yet not much has changed in the village.

The Guards still shield the village from the Nogo Mountain and protect it from the big, bad bear. The Guardians safeguard the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks with their lives, and none of them, including the descendants of the three men with big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks participate in the doings of the village. The villagers still continue to admire the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks on a daily basis and offer gifts.

Oh! There’s one thing that has changed, though.

With time, the village grew in numbers so much that it became virtually impossible to juggle all those who wanted to admire the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks, so those who were actually able to visit the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks were the villagers that had the most to offer and that became few in numbers.

Before long, the Guardians started handing out leaves with inscribed marks that denoted the quantity and quality of the gifts a particular villager would offer to the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks, and the villagers soon realized that not all leaves were equal in value, so they started exchanging the leaves among themselves, thus keeping the memory and the veneration of the big, beautiful, magical, and miraculous rocks alive.

And they all lived happily ever after.

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And that concludes the story about The Nogo Mountain & the Big, Beautiful Rocks.

Pure fiction. Entertainment only.

Oh yeah – I totally forgot – the moral of the story!

All good stories must end with a moral, right?

Okay, well… how about this?

Money is a man-made construct designed to deepen the differences between men.

Or something like that. You know… whatever. It’s not that deep anyway.